Team Work

HUMOUR: Letter To My Straka Baibe

PABLO HUMOUR
Written by Pablo

Wednesday, 16 December 2009 19:25

Dear Straka Baibe,

How do you survive in this atmospheric cosmogony? My mobility is fine though there are some calamities trying to minimise my creativity.

My heartfelt sympathy upon the wedding that never was. There has been lots of verbal artillery gunned towards you lately. They have called you all kind of things. Mbu you have a multi coloured garden of hair on your head, that you are a manifestation that God has a sense of humour, mbu you make peoples TVs look bigger. Your name STRAKA has been turned into an acronym. Mbu it’s Some Things Rarely Attract Kampala Audience…!

Just so you know, you are still my hero. Some of us stay up to watch your Late Show because you brighten our TV sets. It’s only in your programme that my black and white TV set shows colour. You have managed to beat the fashion police pages hands down. They have run out of captions when it comes to defining your sense of fashion.

My nephew thinks you would make a good advert for Sadolin paint. I have nostalgic memories of you as Pamela Otti emceeing at karaokes. You rocked the world and now it wants to rock you. Shya! Do they know who they are dealing with?

I won’t say, but do they know that you are a local investor with a boutique, a music band and a salon? Do they know how many pairs of gum boots you have? Do they know that you wear different attire for every show? Do they know how many languages you speak?

Do they know how many women you have inspired downtown and in Pader? Does Sylvia Owori know how much money she would mint if she used you as the face of her African woman magazine? Do they know that you even launched a website? The world pretends to hate you but we love you paka last. Your smile is so infectious.

You have a body to die for my dear Straka baibe. I’ve watched beauty queens and models on the catwalk and I wonder whether the organisers haven’t heard of you. Some of the models are too skinny that they can hide behind a cigarette. Your body is wonderfully and beautifully created in God’s image. At times I wonder whether you ever go hungry.

Designers deliberately make clothes that won’t fit you. They think you are still in kindergarten or heading to Didi’s amusement park. I really feel sorry for the men who have let you down. They don’t know what they are missing. People can’t stop talking about you. They wonder how old you are. I keep telling them that age doesn’t count.

That’s why these adolescents, who can’t handle a wedding, keep playing with your mind. Your concert-like wedding was going to be the first in history were people pay to dine on samosa and cassava as the main course. I’ve heard people say that it was a fake wedding.

Let me remind them on your behalf that Uganda is full of ghosts. There are ghost students, ghost soldiers, ghost seedlings, and yes, ghost stories like this one. Take heart my Straka baibe, it’s not the first ghost wedding.

If I may ask, which church should we hold responsible for not wedding you? Secondly, did you manage to hook some sponsorship from corporate companies for your highly billed wedding? I would love to have a copy of your proposal.

One has to be stone hearted to watch four shows flop in a space of two years. For a moment I thought you were finished when debt collectors started hunting for you over unpaid loans. People should leave us alone. There are better ghostly things to think about like CHOGM.

Like any other teenager, nothing lasts like my love for your show. It’s a lesson. It should be added on the UPE syllabus. The music is chemically reactive; you are biologically functioning and physically fit, the callers know everything about nothing and your attire is always very economical. That’s a done curriculum for social studies.

I would have sent you some money but I have already sealed the envelope. Allow me to dedicate some songs to you before I zip zap this supercalifragilisticexpialidocious letter.

• Coat of many colours by Dolly Paton
• Katulepuke by Mathias Walukagga
• Mwana ayagala mafaranga by Ceasarman

Your numberone fan, Pablo

Using your keyboard

For most people, the keyboard is the main way to enter information into and control their computer. But are you controlling your keyboard, or is your keyboard controlling you?

If you make typing mistakes or find your keyboard a bit uncomfortable, it’s not hard to correct those problems. Here’s how to quickly and easily change your keyboard settings and comfort options.

1. Get to know your keyboard

Even if you’ve been using a PC for a long time, there may be features on your keyboard you don’t know about. Take a moment to get to know your keyboard so you can be more efficient when you're working.

2. Change keyboard settings

Once you’ve gotten more familiar with your keyboard, there are a few settings you can change to help you work more smoothly.

You can alter:

•How long you need to press a key before the keyboard character starts repeating.

•The speed at which keyboard characters repeat, which helps you to avoid typing errors.

•The rate at which the mouse pointer blinks, which can help its visibility.

3. Take shortcuts

Even if you're a whiz with the mouse for Windows 7, Windows Vista or Windows XP, keyboard shortcuts are typically a more efficient way to work. They're called shortcuts because they reduce multiple clicks into one quick press of keys, like hitting a chord on a piano.

Getting to know a few keyboard shortcuts for the things you do all the time, like saving or closing files, can make using your PC much easier and faster.

Here are just a few popular keyboard shortcuts that work for both versions of Windows:

Windows logo key - Open the Start menu

ALT+TAB - Switch between open programs or windows

CTRL+S - Save the current file or document (works in most programs)

CTRL+C - Copy the selected item

CTRL+Z - Undo an action

Windows logo key +F1 - Display Windows Help and Support
ESC - Cancel the current task

Application key - Open a menu of commands related to a selection in a program. Equivalent to right-clicking the selection.

4. Make it easier to press multiple keys

Do you find it difficult to press multiple keys at once? For example, if pressing CTRL+ALT+DEL is an acrobatic feat, you can set up Sticky Keys. With Sticky Keys you can hit one key at a time in a keyboard shortcut. You can even set it to make a noise so you know it's working.

You can set up Sticky Keys in Windows 7, Windows Vista or Windows XP. (Hint: Press your “SHIFT” key 5 times in a row, then click on the link, to get going with Sticky Keys in Windows 7 or Windows Vista.)

5. Find a comfortable keyboard

It might also be time for you to evaluate the ergonomics of your desktop. Microsoft offers a full line of Natural and Comfort Curve ergonomic keyboards to ensure you're comfortable when you're working on your computer. Having the right keyboard can really make a difference!

Tips for using your keyboard properly

If a new keyboard isn’t in your future, be sure to use your current keyboard properly to avoid soreness or injury to your wrists, hands, and arms. This is particularly important if you use your computer for long periods of time.

Curious about how to create a more ergonomic work space for yourself? Check out these tips to help you work more comfortably and reduce your risk of painful injuries or disorders.

Here are some general tips to help you avoid problems:

•Place your keyboard at elbow level, with your upper arms relaxed at your sides.

•Center your keyboard in front of you. If your keyboard has a numeric keypad, you can use the spacebar as the centering point.

•While typing, use a light touch and keep your wrists straight.

•When you're not typing, relax your arms and hands.

•Take short breaks every 15 to 20 minutes.

•Type with your hands and wrists floating above the keyboard, so that you can use your whole arm to reach for distant keys instead of stretching your fingers.

•Avoid resting your palms or wrists on any type of surface while typing. If your keyboard has a palm rest, use it only during breaks from typing.

Laptop Security

Using your laptop to get work done away from your office or on the road is becoming widely accepted. But this rapid growth in laptop computing has made portable systems the target for theft around the world. If your laptop computer is stolen, company information can be exposed, as well as your personal and financial information.

Use these 9 tips to learn how you can keep your laptop more secure when you're on the road.

1. Avoid using computer bags

Computer bags can make it obvious that you're carrying a laptop. Instead, try toting your laptop in something more common like a padded briefcase or suitcase.

2. Never leave access numbers or passwords in your carrying case

Keeping your password with your laptop is like keeping the keys in the car. Without your password or important access numbers it will be more difficult for a thief to access your personal and corporate information.

3. Carry your laptop with you

Always take your laptop on the plane or train rather then checking it with your luggage. It's easy to lose luggage and it's just as easy to lose your laptop. If you're traveling by car, keep your laptop out of sight. For example, lock it in the trunk when you're not using it.

4. Encrypt your data

If someone should get your laptop and gain access to your files, encryption can give you another layer of protection. With Windows XP, Windows Vista, and Windows 7 you can choose to encrypt files and folders. Then, even if someone gains access to an important file, they can't decrypt it and see your information. Learn more about how to encrypt your data with Windows XP, encrypt your data with Windows Vista, or encrypt your data with Windows 7.

5. Keep your eye on your laptop

When you go through airport security don't lose sight of your bag. Hold your bag until the person in front of you has gone through the metal detector. Many bags look alike and yours can easily be lost in the shuffle.

6. Avoid setting your laptop on the floor

Putting your laptop on the floor is an easy way to forget or lose track of it. If you have to set it down, try to place it between your feet or against your leg (so you're always aware it's there).

7. Buy a laptop security device

If you need to leave your laptop in a room or at your desk, use a laptop security cable to securely attach it to a heavy chair, table, or desk. The cable makes it more difficult for someone to take your laptop. There are also programs that will report the location of a stolen laptop. They work when the laptop connects to the Internet, and can report the laptop's exact physical location. One such tracing program is ComputracePlus.

8. Use a screen guard
These guards help prevent people from peeking over your shoulder as you work on sensitive information in a public place. This is especially helpful when you're traveling or need to work in a crowded area. This screen guard from Secure-It is just one example of a screen guard you could use.

9. Try not to leave your laptop in your hotel room or with the front desk

Too many things have been lost in hotel rooms and may not be completely secure. If you must leave your laptop in your room, put the "do not disturb" sign on the door.

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What to do if your laptop is stolen

•Change your network password to help secure access to corporate servers.

•Report the theft to local authorities (police, etc.) and to your company's IT department.

•If customer data was on the laptop, contact your account representative, legal representative, or appropriate person at your company so they can take the appropriate actions.

Hail Sciences

Hail Sciences, full of praise
The government is with you
Treasured are you among all subjects
And treasured is the work –
Of thy hands, development

Seraphic sciences, mother of education
Rise for us arts,
Now and at the time –
We rise or are extinct

Secret Felt Desire

It is signposted in your eyes;
By the expression on your face,

Strengthened by the words from your lips,

Concealed by the still phobia,

That you can overcome

You do not have to bear – this pain

Anymore;

You do not hold it on your tod,

But some one else does too, and

Cares too.

He is out there, somewhere,

Looking at you and feeling no different,

Though cannot express it

It wont be long, but

Will always prevail between you.

You are bound by its chains –

At this instance.

That you are compelled by a force,

Which increases your desire –

And overcomes all odds;

It will come to your rescue

As nature takes its course.

Dilemma of Love

Keenness is evoked, but
Of eagerness, born out of desire
As the heart leaps –
With positive intent evident

Expressed feelings bring, but
A feeling of remorse
As they meet a negative end
That offers no favour to it

Zealousness enhances tireless efforts;
In a bid to create peace to the heart –
Burdened by uncertainties
This does not seem to end


Yearning feelings portrayed are suppressed
The ends seem to contrast completely –
With complete indifference
However, I still yearn
But for a day that this becomes a reality

last night

saw you last night
but nothing seemed right
my heart filled with joy
but felt like a boy;

i drew closer
but you moved further
at a distance - we met
but you asked for the net!

i implored you for a talk
you responded positive - as we walk.
but we needed time
yet you were negative

i awoke disapponted
but still wanted -
time with you
dont know about you.

that was last night...
only deepened my plight!